i copied you!

although this semester has been really hard on my eating habits, i feel the christmas break will give me a chance to renew my spirits, renew my frame of mind, and start consistently watching what i eat, how much i eat, and to exercise regularly, even when it seems as though, there is NO time.... i WILL DO THIS! ;)

I LOVE YOU!!

hey hey hey!!

sorry its been so long, im really not good at this blogging thing! im trying tho! anyways, i measured myself today and ive lost 5.25 inches since the last time i measured!! im SO SO SO PUMPED!! i go to JC tomorrow to weigh in so wish me luck!! lol, but over the past week-two weeks, ive been given a peace about this whole idea of dieting/losing weight--. just about how i AM making the effort and i AM doing my best, and i KNOW the weight will come off, its all a matter of time....Last night i was reading in my devo book (which i desperately need to do more of) and it was saying that it is so hard for those people who HATE themselves to LOVE others. How is it possible to LOVE ANYONE when you have so much hate for yourself??? God has called us to love our enemies, love those who do not yet know HIM, and it cannot be done, if our every thought and way of thinking is influenced by our own hate for ourselves..... i never realized it, but thats EXACTLY what i have been going through....I HATED looking at myself in the mirror, or in pictures, or just being out in public IN GENERAL, because i hated myself so much and EMBARRASSED of how i looked.....( my weight being the KEY here).... but i feel God has freed me from that burden and this HUGE weight has been LIFTED off of me, and i have a THOUSAND TIMES more faith in myself, in GOD, and in the FACT that i WILL lose this weight,.... I feel that there has been this TREMENDOUS choke-hold the devil has had on me with suffering from the constant judging of myself-- in how i look, what i wear, where i wear it, and who will see me....... i was never able to see God through MY OWN SELF DISCRIMINATIONS.......

i am proud to say that the devil HAS NO HOLD ON ME!!! lol, can i get an AMEN!! lol, but last night i ALSO went through my WHOLE closet, and tried basically EVERYTHING on to see what fit, what was getting looser, what was fitting a little better, what sizes i was getting into.....and it just gave me such a GREAT excitement!! knowing that i am SEEING results and that it IS happening is SUCH an encouragement!! i KNOW you know what im talking about!!! there are some pairs of pants that i wont be able to wear anymore of!!

and you've done SUCH AN AAAAMAZING JOB!! you have DEFINITELY been an inspiration to me throughout this obstacle and througout the ENTIRE TIME ive known you!! you've always been there, and i am MORE THAN BLESSED that God would choose ME to be one of your friends!!!!!! I LOOOOOVE YOU!!!

have you gotten to go with your mom to go shopping yet????? we'll DEFINITELY have to hit the shops when you're here!!

my short term goal (before going back to school) is to be a comfortable size 12, which i KNOW is possible because some of my 14's are getting looser!! Ive got some new CUTE 12 pants that I REALLY want to wear to school!! and ALLLL of my old stuff that ive held on to since i was at SNU! hahaha....

but please continue to pray for me and i will, you!!! keep up the AMAZING work!! I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH!! no words can express!!! ;)

well helllloooo!!

hey hey!

After having an AMAZING week at your house and meeting your AMAZING boyfriend, i was greatly inspired to continue on this weight loss battle to look AMAZING before school starts up again!! Seeing you and how much weight you've lost and your dedication is what i REALLY needed to know that it IS possible!! so i printed off these little sayings of like "imagine yourself in a bathing suit, and not feeling that you shouldn't be in a bathing suit" or imagine yourself in your old jeans before you gained all the weight.....i think it really helps!! ive been having to think about it a couple of times a day just to get through, but i think its working so far!! ive been trying to cut back in my calories and watch my portion sizes and not eat late at night, and making sure to get my exercise in at least 5 times a week! im not really focusing on lifting or anything right now, im just wanting to focus on getting the weight off, on my eating habits, and then tone up later during school, when i have better access to a good gym....

so i think i can feel the weight coming off! its hard to really notice it in my clothes just yet, but i think im doing better! pray for me and for strength to fight this battle and WIN! im praying for you and everything you are facing at your new job as well as for you and jef! i LOVE YOUUUUUU!!! talk to you sooon!!

long time no see....

hey!

okay, i NO its been so long since ive blogged! i just keep forgetting that i have one! It seems the summer is just wizzing by and im trying so hard to keep track of the days....it seems as though the days i work i just work then sleep....lol, which is all there is time for in between, but oh well! im SO SO SO glad that im only working three days a week, its UNBELIEVEABLY nice!! lol, it would be even nicer if i actually had someone in town to do stuff with....except the moms....lol, but oh well..i really CANNOT WAIT to see you laurie!! its been WAY too long!!

okay, so this weekend--with "brandon"--the "blind date-ish" thing.....a little nervous.....not gonna lie....lol, but i really just want to have fun and maybe get a new friend out of it, you know?? i found out that he doesn't LIVE in el reno, but he's FROM el reno, and lives down the street from andrew....but anyways, i think we're going to see ocean's 13 at yukon probably at 730ish, but other than that, not really sure about dinner, orrrr anything afterwards....not sure if they're coming to my game, but i just DONT want it to be awkward, you know?? (sigh) i feel bad for saying this, but whenever i get really anxious or nervous, i get the a VERY active GI, if you know what im talking about.....lol, so its started already, and its not even Saturday!! lol, anyways, i think it will be fun......i hope....

i just have to get through the next three days of work, but i think this weekend im going to try and get me a NEW CAMERA!! they are having a sale, so i would get 10-12% off so i think that would help a little!! but i get paid thursday so that worked out REALLY well!

as for the weight issue.....im REALLY trying and i think its paying off, im trying to drink more water, i am however taking a diet pill, which even though i am taking it, im not convinced that it is having a huge effect, lol, but you know most of them probably dont really work anyways; my mom and i got some more of the JC food so i think that is helping too..... but i definitely think mexican food is my weakness, so im trying to stay away from that for a while, father's day was a LOAD! lol, but i think ive lost about 5 pounds since i weighed last, so im just hoping to lose another 12 lbs by the time my family all goes down to texas for my cousin's ordainment the second week of July-ish, but who knows, at least then, i think it would be noticeable and everyone could see how different i would be....but im just trying to take it one day at a time, so we'll see, i guess!!

ive also been looking into grad schools of nurse practitioner schools and nurse anesthetist schools, and just come to the realization that i really just dont know AT ALL what i want to do after working as an RN for a couple of years....i DO KNOW that i dont JUST want to be an RN, i want to become something "bigger" im not sure how you say that, but i just dont think i want to just stop with the RN, so i know the Lord has a plan, and now, im incredibly okay with not knowing. I am trying to draw closer in my relationship with the Lord, and continue to be sensitive to His words and Holy Spirit as well as being in his word and learning more about Him daily.

"my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness"

LOVE YOU!

MAXIN...

heeey!

im so glad to be home and to just get a chance to relax and do what i want to do for a change!! It's been really nice to get to run errands with my mom and shop and just have fun! I have been able to keep up my walking since ive been home, which is really good for me! lol, but it seems as though i am losing inches but that could TOTALLY be all mental, so i dont know for sure. But I think ive come to realization that scales are just another way to bring you down....lol, at least for the very beginning stages of losing weight, lol, i dont know, it just seems every time i step on it, i go with preconcieved ideas of what I will HOPEFULLY be, and 99% of the time I BOMB horribly, and then "give up" for the day, and eat whatever the HEK is in sight....hahaha, SERIOUSLY!! So, I think i am doing a WHOLE lot better now that i haven't been daunted by that stupid thing.....lol, how do you feel about that?? I think maybe it has to do somewhat with my OBSESSION i had with it a couple of years ago, i was on it everyday, and that's just not realistic... but i dont know, i think it's a lot harder in the beginning to keep going back to the scale, and I have heard that for the first month or so, stay off the scale, just because the first week of weight is all water weight, and then you expect more each week than what is healthy. But ANYWAYS!

lol, everything else is going great! i have a job shadowing experience tomorrow from 3-7pm in the ER of Mercy, so im pretty excited and SOOO NERVOUS!!! oh my word, i know i will be required to do more, which makes my even MORE nervous!! haha, but i know it will be such a great experience, so that should be fun...

TONIGHT, we are having our FLORIDA team meeting about our trip and money situations and everything, but i cannot believe it's getting SO close!! its FINALLY HERE!!! I REALLY REALLY REALLY WISH you were going, i KNOW you would have SO much fun, but i totally understand that you cant...that just really stinks....

I HOPE YOUR INTERVIEWS GO AMAZINGLY!!! I know you'll do GREAT!! I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU IN A COUPLE OF DAYS!!! LOVE YOU!!! ;)

sooooo done......

IM FINALLY DONE!! man, i thought this day would NEVER come! wow, i still cant believe it!?! i have yet to find out what exactly i got on my finals but they should be up by the end of the day..soooo we'll see i guess! I moved everything out of the apartment yesterday and didn't get a chance to walk or anything, but i did some hard cleaning as well, so i thought that might count for something??!

Today we're meeting up with my grandpa and his wife downtown, for lunch, so IM SO EXCITED! I haven't been downtown to shop or walk around ALL semester, so i think i DESERVE IT!! lol...

But im fixin to go walk 4 miles before we go, but it got kind of chilly last night so im hoping it wont be too cold this morning.

IM FINALLY A FLIPPING SENIORRRRRRRRRRR!!!! FOR SURE NOW.....hahaaha, oh man, it feels good, God has gotten me through it all and I am SO SO SO SO GRATEFUL!! no words can express how blessed i am to have a father like Him!!

Hope you're having an AMAZING day!! LOVE YOU GIRL!!

"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phillippians 4:12-13

It's a new day...

sorry its been so long since ive posted! i wasn't very active over the weekend, and definitely didn't have the best diet on friday or saturday BUT yesterday was better and i think today was good too!! but im done with Community Health, and Gerontology!!! THE TWO CLASSES I HATED HATED HATED THE MOST!!! lol, not kidding, but i think the one tomorrow wont be too bad, but the one wednesday im kind of nervous about!

But yeah, i dont think i would be even able to run one mile up and down all those hills you're talking about!! CRAAAAAZY!! you're awesome girl! but yeah, maybe doing that 5k think would work even better since you are on SUCH a rough terrain you know? starting slow up and down those hills would DEFINITELY make it SO much easier im guessing!

But yeah, about the vegetarian thing! Ive actually given it some thought myself, but like now, im basically a red-meat vegetarian, like I dont remember the last time i had a real hamburger, i think the VEGGIE burgers are sooooo much better!! lol, but anyways, i can definitely see where you're coming from! I dont think i want to give up my fish or chicken. The oils and vitamins in fish help in SIGNIFICANT ways for losing weight! i just wish i could get more fish here at school, but NOT FOR MUCH LONGER!!

My mom has this cooking light book that we used over spring break, and OH MY WORD, the food is FLIPPING AMAZING!! my dad even was going back for seconds and thirds!! lol, but when you come, we DEFINITELY should make something, i think you would LOVE it!!

I am so so so glad this semester is FINALLY coming to an end. I just dont understand how people can NOT want to graduate because they'll miss college so much, i mean, i know i have a TOTALLY different perspective being in nursing, but STILL, like i dont know, im going to be SOOOOOOO OVERLY ready to be OUT OF HERE!! you know?? like UGH i cannot wait, i still get sad when i see like senior stuff going on at like SNU or here with the senior nursing students, and just thinking that that should be me.....i almost feel like a failure in the fact that im NOT graduating in 4 years.....i dont know, i just struggle with it, but i guess i just need to look at the positives like i'll ONE MORE summer home, and more time with people up here, but i dont know, that just doesn't compare with BEING DONE.....

i hope you're having an AMAZING day laurie, pray for me through these next two days, and i'll keep you posted!! lol....LOVE YOU! ;)